Mind The Net

Friday, March 12, 2004



Well, after the Sushi we commenced walking through the forest of Stanley park. It's gorgeous in there. I had Christina name every plant that I laid eyes on and did not recognize. Rhodehedron or something and crocus and all sorts of weird things. I had never seen a magnolia tree on it's own before. We bought one for my mother on her birthday last year and that was the first I'd seen. But never in the wild. And there were whole streets covered by trees blossoming, awesome. I even felt a tingle of allergy season in the deep dark depths of my nasal cavity. Cool.

Well, we walked a little ways through the forest and it wasn't long before adventure found us. A couple walking towards us, actually three people, I forgot one man. They carried a Goose. A live honking Goose, it was the size of the man's torso and the neck and head went over his shoulder. Did I mention it was very much alive?

Well, Christina and I ventured to follow this curious entourage on this swerving little path to the water and David - ever the impatient one - wandered off ahead somewhere to wait for us.

We spoke to the people who had by now set the goose free on the water. Wondering if it had been hurt or what was the deal already! And they told us there had been a fight, Two Geese, Ganders I suppose, had been going at it for about a half hour. Intent on killing each other. Well, that was obvious because when he put that big fella back in the water, it swam right back in the direction from which they'd all come, honking it's Goosey bloodlust the entire way.

Interesting that the couple at first sounded French Canadian to us, Christina and even to my heavily trained ears and after a few sentences they had the unmistakeable lisp and tone of Spaniards speaking English! Great scott, well immediately Christina took out the big one and I punched his little woman so hard in the nose, she honked just like the goose, before the police arrived, David was there to help us hide the bodies. . . okay that's not true. That part didn't happen I just got excited.

Anyway, the Spanish couple explained that Goosey was heading back to the scene of the battle under a bridge that we would cross in about five minutes. So we continued in that direction. When we got there, a crowd was gathered watching the Geese go at it again! It lasted a good 15 minutes more. They would grab onto each others necks and then try to shatter the other's ribcage with really powerfully directed flaps of their wings. I guess, the equivalent of Thai boxers clinching and kneeing their opponents. I should mention that the female that all the fuss was about, was languidly treading several feet from the action. Christina said 'what a bitch, totally not worth it.'

Well, finally one combatant became exhausted and gave out, he turned and ran, the other hot on his . . . um. . flaps and biting at him the whole time, the crowd, by this time about 20 people, some with cameras, followed slowly. Except me, I had a feeling I knew what would come next. So i ran up ahead and said, 'oh shit, he's killing him.' Now a word to those of you that may encounter this in future, hissing at birds and kicking rocks at them, doesn't have the same effect it does on house cats playfighting. they ignored me. What do we do? Two other fellows jumped in, one guy picked up a stick and lifted the killer Goose's neck away from the other guy, who at this point was just lying there, awaiting his fate, as Killer tried to break his neck. Well, one of the humans got right in there and shoved the killer bird off with his leg. Right into the guy with the stick, boy was he surprised.

Well, the killer goose, would have none of it, he tried to come back and finish the job, but there were at least ten of us in the way, all yelling back at him, so back to the river to claim his female he went.

When we turned back to the fallen Goose, he lay enmeshed in a thorn bush, of course (!), panting heavily but alive. David, Christina and I did the best we could to part the branches that were stabbing him. and I reached in and freed his wings, he dind't move while I touched him, another sign that he was completely exhausted by the fight. I folded up his wings properly and we all just sat with him. Someone went to get parks and rec to help, I don't know what good that would have done. Then after about ten minutes, David went to cover Goosey with is jacket and the goose, just jumped up and ran off, shaking his feathers and stretching his thick muscles surprising us all. His wing , when I touched it, felt like a turkey's, you know the free range kind you get at thanks giving? Well, that's what it felt like, really thin skin but well muscled.

We followed him for a bit to make sure he didn't return to his death fight. And eventually left him in the care of the fellows who broke up the fight. And went off to the Teahouse restaurant. Really pretentious and shitty musack, the worst I've ever heard actually, kind of a bad recording of an electric yamaha organ through shitty speakers of 80's rock songs. We recognized, Bonnie Tyler. Gross. The choice not her song. I like Bonnie. We get along well.

But okay, so then I'm left thinking, we as humans knew that we couldn't interfere in the dominance mating battle taking place by the river. So why did we jump in as soon as he was going to kill the other guy? That's part of it right? Would Darwin have interfered? Would Lorne Greene? Steve Irwin would have given his kid a ride on the winner's back. But, should we have? Survival of the fittest. Who are we to say what's right and wrong in the matters of Gooseness?

What got me was the look in the losing goose's eyes, the terror and resignation. He was too tired to care and he knew what was coming. But when we were standing over him, he didn't really know what to do except breathe heavy. Obviously the other Goose was stronger and should be the one who's sperm go on to advance their race. . . So why do I feel so sad about the other guy? It's hard to watch animals die. Well, he survived, thanks to some buttinsky humans with no respect for ecological balance.

We took a bus home because my feet wouldn't take anymore punishment. And when I arrived in my strange little subletted apartment, I crashed. I slept from 9pm till 3:30 am. And then I was up and doing stuff. I still got a good six hours.

That was adventure day. Got to see a lot of Vancouver and do some cool things and experience nature. Also got the call, I'm shooting my last scene on DEAD ZONE on Monday. Then i guess I'll just go home. There haven't been any auditions and the only thing worth staying around for is the anti war rally on Saturday at which Noam Chomsky will be speaking.



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