Crazy Times
Bad enough I had to go to the doctor today to have my nuts grabbed because of my triple nut action. . . which technically has gone up to 4 now! Eh? Ladies, how about it. . . how many dudes you know with four nuts! Think of the sperm production! I guess it depends on the demographic I'm talking to, if that's attractive or not.
Well, then I get home and . . . this is actually an addendum to a post that never was. A while back I started the N-ergy Suckers posts and promised a second one. . . well, I never really got it written in such a way that it was presentable. And now. . . well, I got a card in the mail from a woman, I stopped seeing oh, I don't know two months ago? I wasn't even seeing her! Now she's got me saying it. I went out with her a couple of times . . . but fuck. Well, it's much more complicated than that and I may or may not post that here. I'm thinking of making the entire story available as a pdf for all the world to see. . . just the beginning. I need to document all of my experiences of the last six months and then the last decade. It's made for exciting story telling, should make for a good collection of stories. I even have an editor to help! We'll see how that all comes together.
Today . . . I get a card in the mail. I opened it in case it was filled with surveillance photos of me and many other women and a note saying, 'I see what you're doing. How could you cheat on me like this?' or something equally delusional. . . and it's an unsigned, unwritten on card, and it reads "love yourself", the inside it reads, "You, more than anyone else, deserve your love and affection." apparently the Buddha said this. Also as apparent, this woman took my inability to want her as a sign that I'm not doing something right. Look I tried to be nice to you, but I just didn't want you or a relationship and you knew this all along, it's got nothing to do with how much or how little I love myself. That's my fucking business, so don't presume to tell me what I need to do or to teach me something because you're so completely delusional. Good Lord. She doesn't read this blog, doesn't know it exists so I'm just talking at the air, even more ridiculous!
I feel very sad for her, that she's thinking all these things and feeling all these things that I never felt for her. Every time I said something nice, she took it to mean I was her boyfriend. Another friend of mine tells me it's like a school girl, if a boy goes out with you, you're all like, 'Yay, I have a boyfriend!'. Well, this woman was no child. . . but in a way I guess. I don't know. I sure hope she finds someone to fill that gap in her heart she so desparately wanted me to fill.
Also, I'm just glad that the card was so benign a thing to send. It means she's nuts, just not evil nuts which would be worse.
It's her closure I guess. To tell me that I need to love myself. What enrages me is that it's because I don't agree with her view of what love and relationships are or should be!! I don't agree with you, it doesn't mean I need help. I have my reasons for hating the things you value most. And they're fucking good reasons. Also, they're MY reasons and no you can't know what they are. It's not your right to delve into my privacy. I really hate people that presume they have a right to your private things, because of something you've said or done. Intimacy should be offered, not expected. Grow up. I still sound so mad. . . Welll, I learned my lesson. I can sniff out the needy ones now, always have been able to, but next time ( I didn't want there to be a this time) I'll nip it in the bud, hard and fast.
Well, then I get home and . . . this is actually an addendum to a post that never was. A while back I started the N-ergy Suckers posts and promised a second one. . . well, I never really got it written in such a way that it was presentable. And now. . . well, I got a card in the mail from a woman, I stopped seeing oh, I don't know two months ago? I wasn't even seeing her! Now she's got me saying it. I went out with her a couple of times . . . but fuck. Well, it's much more complicated than that and I may or may not post that here. I'm thinking of making the entire story available as a pdf for all the world to see. . . just the beginning. I need to document all of my experiences of the last six months and then the last decade. It's made for exciting story telling, should make for a good collection of stories. I even have an editor to help! We'll see how that all comes together.
Today . . . I get a card in the mail. I opened it in case it was filled with surveillance photos of me and many other women and a note saying, 'I see what you're doing. How could you cheat on me like this?' or something equally delusional. . . and it's an unsigned, unwritten on card, and it reads "love yourself", the inside it reads, "You, more than anyone else, deserve your love and affection." apparently the Buddha said this. Also as apparent, this woman took my inability to want her as a sign that I'm not doing something right. Look I tried to be nice to you, but I just didn't want you or a relationship and you knew this all along, it's got nothing to do with how much or how little I love myself. That's my fucking business, so don't presume to tell me what I need to do or to teach me something because you're so completely delusional. Good Lord. She doesn't read this blog, doesn't know it exists so I'm just talking at the air, even more ridiculous!
I feel very sad for her, that she's thinking all these things and feeling all these things that I never felt for her. Every time I said something nice, she took it to mean I was her boyfriend. Another friend of mine tells me it's like a school girl, if a boy goes out with you, you're all like, 'Yay, I have a boyfriend!'. Well, this woman was no child. . . but in a way I guess. I don't know. I sure hope she finds someone to fill that gap in her heart she so desparately wanted me to fill.
Also, I'm just glad that the card was so benign a thing to send. It means she's nuts, just not evil nuts which would be worse.
It's her closure I guess. To tell me that I need to love myself. What enrages me is that it's because I don't agree with her view of what love and relationships are or should be!! I don't agree with you, it doesn't mean I need help. I have my reasons for hating the things you value most. And they're fucking good reasons. Also, they're MY reasons and no you can't know what they are. It's not your right to delve into my privacy. I really hate people that presume they have a right to your private things, because of something you've said or done. Intimacy should be offered, not expected. Grow up. I still sound so mad. . . Welll, I learned my lesson. I can sniff out the needy ones now, always have been able to, but next time ( I didn't want there to be a this time) I'll nip it in the bud, hard and fast.
posted by Carlos at
3/14/2005 04:50:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home