Blade Trinity?!

WTF?! I had heard it was bad, I had been warned it was ridiculous. . . but good lord. I hated the writing, I hated the directing, I hated the acting, I hated the editing, I hated the inability to tell a story, I hated 'Drake', I hated the pacing. . . what the hell piece of garbage was that?! Like several unimaginative music videos strung together with long drawn out, pointless dialogue scenes, further strung together by "cool people walking in slow motion" scenes. . . I'm not kidding. Parker Posey, whom I normally love. . . was out of this world bad. She did have a believable moment in there somewhere, but for the most part-NO. Wesley Snipes is wasted in this film, that cool guy schtick is no good here, how about some levels pal? Ryan Reynolds. . . what were you thinking?! As Comic relief? Then give him a decent script for fuck's sake. And the kid is a good actor, he's easy on the eyes ladies and buff, buff in a 'I want to wrap myself up in a frumpy sweatsuit and never leave the house again' kinda way. But what the hell were those lines? Did you make those up on the spot, Ryan? The 'comedy' lines he was given or made up didn't work. It was misplaced! Stupid, unfunny and poorly directed. Kris Kristofferson. . . just plain sucked. One note-again. "Drake" is supposed to be the original? The 'born perfect' being?! He was useless!

The only good thing, and I mean this sincerely, the only good thing was being able to look at Jessica Biel for the length of the movie. And her acting is also good, just who directed this?! Well, I checked. David S. Goyer. I thought 'must be some kind of shitty music video director', no offense to the good music video directors, but he's not. He made some other film before this, also starring Snipes. I didn't do an indepth on his bio, just enough to see and be frightened by the fact that he wrote 'Batman Begins'. I hope it's not ruined like this confounding, slapped together piece of absolute garbage.

I want to hire that old woman from "The Princess Bride" in the dream sequence where Buttercup marries Humperdink, who confronts Buttercup and is screaming 'Boo! Boo!. . . Bow down before the Queen of Garbage!' to appear at every possible theatre in this city and yell at people who buy tickets to the film. It is a travesty and should be burned.

I highly recommend no one see this. I highly recommend someone give Ryan, Wesley and Jessica some good scripts and soon(!) to wash away the damage this will do to their very souls. No one can cleanse me of the poison it poured on mine.